It’s that wonderful time of the year again where the air is getting crisper, leaves are delicately falling from sleepy trees and we are all forced to drive by forgotten political signs that will probably stay in the same place for the next six months. Where they will live as mud is splashed onto their colorful lettering; where they will huddle as snow collects upon them and slowly turns cardboard to mush; where they will sit idly by as various animals stop to take a piss upon them.

Yes, it is a beautiful thing, to see democracy in action; to see people caring so much about the neighbors within their community.  It makes me proud.  Oh, yes it does. It shows me how very much they care about things.  They really, really wanted JONES to win, but now that he didn’t a) they totally and completely need the sign to let us to know that if everything now goes to hell it will all be our fault for not voting for JONES, b) they are too emotionally compromised by the loss to get the energy to cross their lawn to remove the sign, or c) they just don’t give a shit anymore.

And I know it’s not just the signs of the losers that are left out, abandoned along busy street corners.  The signs of the winning candidates sit just as lonely and fatigued as the others.  They sway back and forth at the whim of the bitter cold, wondering when the hell someone is going to save them from the elements.  Now, I suppose that I could easily stop by one evening on my way back from from work or some other little journey and pluck those suffering signs out of the cold ground and put them in my car to dispose of later, but I can’t seem to make myself do it.  I mean, I didn’t go through the trouble of deciding I needed to have signs proclaiming the awesomeness of my favorite candidate, assemble them together and then troll the neighborhood to find the place where it would be seen by the most people.  I didn’t use my (admittedly very weak) muscles to push the spokes into the ground.  In short: I didn’t do it!

But I digress.  I really want to take the time here to help those people that won’t help themselves when it comes to these political signs.  You can all thank me for it later–because I have researched several different ways to re-purpose those old signs so that we (those you that agree with me no matter how slightly) don’t have drive past them in their poor pathetic state ever again.  I have to just state here that the internet can be a wonderful tool when you’re looking for scintilating information such as this.  With a click here and a click there I have discovered many pages dedicated to this exact subject! It just takes a little energy.

First, most of the signs made of corrugated plastic can be recycled.  Hooray! A perfect idea for the person that has pretty much decided that he/she will finally pick up the stupid sign, but don’t have the effort for anything more after that.  If a person is feeling really crafty he/she can make a bird house with a sign instead of wood!  Or paint over the sign and turn it into a fancy yard sale/garage sale sign.  Wait.  Turn it into a bulletin board!  Cut star shapes out, connect them together, spray paint them red and green and use them as large outdoor Christmas ornaments for the trees (that one is mine)!

It can be done, people!  I know it can.  Didn’t get the sign with the corrugated plastic?  Went cheap with the thin plastic sign?  Good news–there are still great ways to use it.  If it’s one of the big signs (that was big enough to cover an entire fence and glare down all forms of transportation that went past it) then it can be made into a hammock.  Use it as a tarp to cover floors when doing a big home project…or use it as a sled!  The small ones too! True story.  Why not paint over the name of the candidate and turn it into a fancy Happy Birthday sign?  Cut them down to size and use them as mud flaps for a bike or car–it goes on and on.

Look, maybe I’m being a little too harsh with my words when it comes to this subject, but it just drives me crazy year after year to see this same cycle repeated every election season.  It just seems fair that if someone is going to go through the motions of getting the signs out there for the public to see, then that person should know that it is his/her responsibility to take them away when the season is over.  See, that’s all I want.  At least I think it’s what I want.  Now I’m thinking it might be cool to go out and get the materials to make my very own bird house…

© DRB 2015

Want to comment?

photo: www.amazon.com