I’m trying to get back on track with writing now that I am back from gallivanting around southern Colorado and decided to jump back in with a re-post. I’ll have something new soon. Thanks for hanging in!
They got me. Arggggh! I wasn’t paying attention to anything but the fact that my stomach was on fire and I had to eat, RIGHT NOW, and I saw that there were only two cars in the order lane. Split second decision later and I was contemplating a quesadilla or a burrito. Now, I know I’m not really supposed to be here, because I have dinner waiting for me at home, but no one will ever know if I just stop for a second and pick up a burrito, will they? I think I even have enough change buried in my purse that I won’t have to use my credit card. Leave no trace behind.
What time is it? I have ten minutes to get home before they start wondering why I’m late. Come on, come on, come on…What in the hell are they doing up there, ordering for the entire football team? Damn it, this sucks. I’m out. No one behind me yet, I’ll just sneak out real quick. Argh! Noooo! Stay away truck, I have to get out. Shit! I slam my head against the head rest and close my eyes.
It’s my own fault, trying to sneak in a food break when I don’t need any food. My stomach might be telling me that it’s time to eat, but my head keeps reminding me that I already had a burger for lunch and cookie for a snack and some cherries for another snack and a hot chocolate on the way in—I’ve got a garbage disposal for a stomach and it’s grinding my patience big time.
Just this morning I started “diet” number three for the month. Diet is a strong word because it implies that I made changes to my eating habits, but the times I tried just never took. I think my longest success rate was about four days. No wonder I can’t lose any weight. I don’t know why I’m here and now I’m stuck. Sigh. Apparently I have plenty of time to peruse the menu.
If I’m sensible and I just get one taco, I should be fine. I can leave off the cheese but that won’t taste any good. Forget that. It’s too hard to eat in the car anyway. If I drop pieces of cheese on the seats or if cheese gets stuck to the seatbelt it would be a disaster. Greg and I had an agreement that we wouldn’t eat in the car, but this is a legitimate emergency! No tacos. Can’t be done. Burrito then, case closed. One burrito with cheese and sauce and that’s it. Really.
Why in the hell are we still sitting here?! I have six minutes left, damn it. I’m not going to make it in time. I don’t want Greg to see that I failed at this food thing again. He won’t care, but I will. I don’t want him to look at me like I’m crazy. He won’t understand. Gas. No not that kind of gas…I had to stop and refill my car. That’s it! Whew. Okay, we’ve got some time.
It’s getting hot in here and I am seriously pissed. They’re tacos and burritos, people… we aren’t building the Empire State Building here. I slam my hands on the steering wheel. “Come on!” I yell into my hot car. No one hears. No one cares. God, I hate myself right now. Wait. Are we moving?! Finally. Shit, I could have slaughtered a cow and made my own tacos by now. Yes, you can do it, lady. Just put your foot on the pedal and push. You can do it. JUST DO IT ALREADY! Go, go, go, go, go…Thank you!
Ten seconds. Twenty seconds. Twenty-five seconds. “Hello? Anyone ready for my order?” Ten seconds. “One moment please, we’ll be with you shortly.” What now? People behind me are lucky enough to be able to back out and pull away. No, don’t go in the building—it will take longer for my food to get made! Burger King is right over there, man! The speaker starts crackling. “Welcome to Taco Bell, sorry about the wait. What can I get for you today?”
My mind is blank. What did I want to eat? I quickly scan the menu…Tostadas, no. Quesadilla, no. Um, um, “I’ll take three tacos, please.” WTF!!!!!! Well, I ordered them, damn it. Don’t have time to try to fix it. “Okay, is that all? That will be three dollars and ninety-eight cents. Please pull around to the second window.” What, four dollars?! I have just over a dollar in quarters. Grrrr. Credit card. Ugh, I want to go home.
I slowly move up and I spy my nemesis. Is her car turned off?! Are we parking in the drive-thru now? COME ON! Sigh. What did she order and why does she feel it necessary to turn the car off? This isn’t good. Wait, no talking! NO TALKING! No, no, no, no, why are you handing him more money? Don’t mess up the flow! Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. Finally! One bag, two bags, four drinks, more talking. More money. (Insert silent scream here.) Wait. Wait. Two more drinks. The car turns on!
Thank you! Let’s go. My credit card is ready and let’s get this show on the road. Ten seconds. Twenty seconds. WHAT THE HELL?!!! More talking. I am going to kill someone! I swear it! Waaah, I just wanted a snack. Okay, you’re done lady, please GO! I don’t understand why you want to linger. Don’t you see that there are about six cars behind you? Okay, okay, she’s slowly meandering her way out of the drive-thru. We live!
Look at me being so nice and polite–you wouldn’t even know I’m sweating and my heart is about to pound out of my chest. Yes, I would love some sauce, thank you. No, I don’t need any napkins. Thank you, you have a great day as well! Ahhh, sweet freedom! God, that smells good. I should just pull over and eat a taco in the parking lot. No, I have to go. I can wait and take a bite at each red light. But it smells so good…I unwrap the taco with one hand as I pull onto the road. NOOOO! The taco falls apart in my hands.
© DRB 2015
(If you have a ten minutes, take a look at this video. I find it to be incredibly hilarious.)