I’m Getting Too Old for This Sh*t

When the hubby asked me if I wanted to sneak out on a Sunday night to go to the concert, I was astoundingly, excitedly, extremely meh about the whole idea. It meant leaving the kid alone again (it’s beginning to become a habit and I’m starting to feel a little dirty about it) while we pretended to be cool and hip and ready to party on a whim. But I’ve been in a weird headspace since I’ve retired and I was pretty sure I could muster up the strength to roll off the couch after the sun went down. While…

Best Case or Basket Case?

I’m pretty sure that I was supposed to be fantastically, amazingly happy and content the first minute of my retirement, but I’ve always been someone to completely disintegrate a perfectly happy moment for no apparent reason. I guess I thought a weight would be lifted and I’m just a little bit sad that I haven’t had that feeling just yet. I feel adrift and a bit put out to pasture—even though it was my own decision. It’s not that I’m not happy having left my life as a librarian, it’s because I don’t have a set path of “new” life…

Have I Become a Successful Coward?

I wish that I could walk across the United States just once. None of that Forrest Gump back and forth bullshit for me–just one good trip to see if I could actually do it. How many miles would I be able to put in before I was ready to call a limo company and grab an air conditioned ride to the nearest town? Would I be able to triumph mind over matter when I inevitably came to the moment where I would systematically tear myself down for being the biggest loser on the planet because I forgot to bring a…

Chainsaw Murderer to the Rescue

I love Halloween.  I love it so much that I have no problem proclaiming it my favorite holiday of the year.  It’s kind of funny how this could even be possible considering I despise fall, I don’t care for much anything flavored pumpkin, and I don’t really get much enjoyment from scary pranks or costumes.  I do, however, love coming up with fun costume ideas, planning Halloween parties for my family and for the library, and going to corn mazes. When I was younger it was a hell of a lot easier for me to get in the mood for…

It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane…

As I was sitting at the library letting my mind wander from the totally scintillating task of fine filing children’s drawing books, I realized that I was kind of lame and pathetic.  It’s a hell of a thing when one minute you’re contemplating whether How to Draw Your Favorite Super Hero gets filed before How to Draw Your Favorite Super Hero Pet and you are hit with the overwhelming feeling of suck.  (How’s that for getting to the point?) While I knew that I was a pretty decent person with a pretty decent life, I also realized that I was…

No, You Can’t Make Me Like the Birds

Birds suck.  I don’t have any flowery way to impart that information to you other than being completely honest.  I don’t like them.  Well…maybe just a little bit.  But they’re creepy and annoying and they stink to high hell.  It’s actually kind of funny that I am sitting here even talking about the little devils, but I’ve got an itch in my brain about this and there’s no going on in life if I don’t get it scratched. And it all started because of a lunatic goose that tried to take my hand off at the lake… Every once in…

Mini Musings- Dad’s Not Here and it Sucks

I lost my dad. He died on New Year’s Eve. I miss him every day. It happened so very fast. I can still hear his voice. I miss him always trying to feed me. I wish we could just sit and talk about anything–even if it means he ends up being right. I keep expecting him to get out of his chair and give me a kiss every time I go to the house. I wish I could have known him when he was younger. I wish I appreciated him more when I was growing up. I wish he would…

My, My, My, My Corona: Can I Have My Brain Back?

I’m fine. I’m just fine.  Lying in bed before starting the day:  I want to write. I want to be known. I want to be creative. I want to share. I want to love. I want to bond. Taking a shower: But I don’t want to spend time writing. I don’t like people to look at me. Being creative is difficult. I don’t like it when I share something and people don’t like it. I am too selfish to love fully. I like it when I get to be by myself. Cleaning the restroom for the five millionth time: I…

My, My, My, My Corona: I Wanna Dance With Somebody

It has officially been eight weeks of staying (relatively) away from the life I used to know and I think that (at this moment) I’m getting the hang of it. If you’ve been a follower of my corona virus themed posts you will know that I have not even remotely kept up my end of the bargain as far as all the writing I was promising you–the writing I was promising me. Some days I don’t give a flying fart and then other days I feel guilty and lazy for not taking advantage of all of the “free” time I…

My, My, My, My Corona: What Day Is It?

I think I lost my kid. At last sighting he was running to the bathroom for a mandated “we’re pretending to have a life” session of washing his face and brushing his teeth and hair but I haven’t seen him since. I imagine he’s holed up downstairs trading virtual Pokemon with any person with a pulse or settled into the couch, knee deep into today’s brain suck of YouTube videos. I feel kind of like a loser, knowing that I have left my kid to his own devices lately, but what the hell? Kid is “enjoying” his last day of…