Work in Progress…

I don’t like looking in the mirror. Ever. I have memorized when to turn my head just slightly enough to avoid what I see there. I used to have a full-length mirror in the bedroom but it (mysteriously) died a horrific death. I’m not saying that I broke the thing on purpose, but I’m not NOT saying that I did. And I must admit, it was something that really helped ease the anxiety in my life. Not too long ago, I shared with a good friend something that happens to me every time I get up in the morning. I…

Scenes from a Lunch

Scene 1: Driving up the road on her lunch break, our main character is contemplating the easiest way to get to her fast food burrito. She quickly calculates the time savings of taking the street nearest to the high school (even though there’s a lower speed limit) instead of the main thoroughfare (where she will most likely be met with two extra minutes of delay due to street light patterns). Without having consciously made a decision, her muscle reflex jerks the steering wheel to the right and on to the neighborhood street. She is immediately waylaid by a traffic jam…

To Sir, with Love

Dear Sir,  I want to thank you so much for sitting next to us at the end of the bar today. It’s usually not my favorite thing in the world when someone decides to saddle up next to me when there are literally no other people in the room. And I think what made your visit even more special was the fact that you decided to park it specifically two chairs beside me, as opposed to choosing to plop down next to the hubby (who would be happy to chat about absolutely anything). I’m really not sure what vibe I…

I’m Getting Too Old for This Sh*t

When the hubby asked me if I wanted to sneak out on a Sunday night to go to the concert, I was astoundingly, excitedly, extremely meh about the whole idea. It meant leaving the kid alone again (it’s beginning to become a habit and I’m starting to feel a little dirty about it) while we pretended to be cool and hip and ready to party on a whim. But I’ve been in a weird headspace since I’ve retired and I was pretty sure I could muster up the strength to roll off the couch after the sun went down. While…

Have I Become a Successful Coward?

I wish that I could walk across the United States just once. None of that Forrest Gump back and forth bullshit for me–just one good trip to see if I could actually do it. How many miles would I be able to put in before I was ready to call a limo company and grab an air conditioned ride to the nearest town? Would I be able to triumph mind over matter when I inevitably came to the moment where I would systematically tear myself down for being the biggest loser on the planet because I forgot to bring a…

Chainsaw Murderer to the Rescue

I love Halloween.  I love it so much that I have no problem proclaiming it my favorite holiday of the year.  It’s kind of funny how this could even be possible considering I despise fall, I don’t care for much anything flavored pumpkin, and I don’t really get much enjoyment from scary pranks or costumes.  I do, however, love coming up with fun costume ideas, planning Halloween parties for my family and for the library, and going to corn mazes. When I was younger it was a hell of a lot easier for me to get in the mood for…

Best Case or Basket Case?

I’m pretty sure that I was supposed to be fantastically, amazingly happy and content the first minute of my retirement, but I’ve always been someone to completely disintegrate a perfectly happy moment for no apparent reason. I guess I thought a weight would be lifted and I’m just a little bit sad that I haven’t had that feeling just yet. I feel adrift and a bit put out to pasture—even though it was my own decision. It’s not that I’m not happy having left my life as a librarian, it’s because I don’t have a set path of “new” life…

No, You Can’t Make Me Like the Birds

Birds suck.  I don’t have any flowery way to impart that information to you other than being completely honest.  I don’t like them.  Well…maybe just a little bit.  But they’re creepy and annoying and they stink to high hell.  It’s actually kind of funny that I am sitting here even talking about the little devils, but I’ve got an itch in my brain about this and there’s no going on in life if I don’t get it scratched. And it all started because of a lunatic goose that tried to take my hand off at the lake… Every once in…

My, My, My, My Corona: Can I Have My Brain Back?

I’m fine. I’m just fine.  Lying in bed before starting the day:  I want to write. I want to be known. I want to be creative. I want to share. I want to love. I want to bond. Taking a shower: But I don’t want to spend time writing. I don’t like people to look at me. Being creative is difficult. I don’t like it when I share something and people don’t like it. I am too selfish to love fully. I like it when I get to be by myself. Cleaning the restroom for the five millionth time: I…

My, My, My, My Corona: I Wanna Dance With Somebody

It has officially been eight weeks of staying (relatively) away from the life I used to know and I think that (at this moment) I’m getting the hang of it. If you’ve been a follower of my corona virus themed posts you will know that I have not even remotely kept up my end of the bargain as far as all the writing I was promising you–the writing I was promising me. Some days I don’t give a flying fart and then other days I feel guilty and lazy for not taking advantage of all of the “free” time I…