I Can’t Turn My Head to the Right

My life has been taken over by an affliction so frustrating, so annoying and so ridiculous that I am putting in serious time thinking about how to cure myself once and for all. The crazy thing is– I cannot turn my head to the right. Really.  Oh, I’m not suffering from any kind of real physical problems (as far as I know) but I do have this way of thinking that causes me to react to certain situations in such a way that I am sure I end up looking like one of those city park sprinklers that keep click,…

KISS My Grits!

Now that I’m a lot older and I’ve managed to get myself through many a ridiculous situation, I find myself thinking back on the “good old days.” You know, they days when my parents would let me roam around like a wild animal for hours at a time, hanging with God knew who, doing who knows what. Until this moment, I never really thought about why the parental units were more than happy to let me and my siblings explore the world without their constant surveillance and direction. I’d like to think that they were exercising great parental knowledge by…

I Knew He Loved Me

He was the nicest boy I had ever met. He was handsome and smart, but most important of all, he would talk to me. We met in middle school and I was pretty much smitten from the very start. I can’t remember the exact day we came into first contact, but I do remember practically floating on a cloud whenever he came around me. I would try to sit by him in class, in the cafeteria, in the gymnasium, in the…you get the picture. Unfortunately, I was mired in my own insecurity issues and feelings of inadequacy (thank you tween…

You Want Me to Pay How Much to Have You Touch My Breast?!

I’m not one of those people who likes to go to the doctor’s office.  I mean, I don’t think there are really that many people that “like” going to the doctor but they’re more than ready to show up for their regular check-ups, give up two hours of life to sit in the pharmacy area, and pay for an office visit when they have a really bad head cold. I’m not one of those people.  I will stay home and puke in every empty vessel in the house before I even consider making the effort to visit the doctor. Of course,…

Psst…UniPerm Isn’t Code for Big Beautiful Curls

Once upon a time there was a young girl of eleven who was very impressionable and open to suggestions of all things good and bad.  She loved fairy tales and happily ever after and spent many a day and night dreaming about what life would be like in the future—would she have enough money to buy season tickets to the Denver Broncos?  Would she be beautiful and have a handsome husband?  Would she ever be elected to the Supreme Court (without having to become a lawyer and all of the pesky stuff that comes with being elected to the Supreme…

Chainsaw Murderer to the Rescue

I love Halloween.  I love it so much that I have no problem proclaiming it my favorite holiday of the year.  It’s kind of funny how this could even be possible considering I despise fall, I don’t care for much anything flavored pumpkin, and I don’t really get much enjoyment from scary pranks or costumes.  I do, however, love coming up with fun costume ideas, planning Halloween parties for my family and for the library, and going to corn mazes. When I was younger it was a hell of a lot easier for me to get in the mood for…

Part Six: Just Don’t Make Eye Contact

Catch up with parts one-five of my fabulous Disney vacation here. The next day started off with the sun shining and birds singing and the smell of freshly brewed coffee filling the air of our lovely Disney hotel…Okay, that’s not completely accurate, but it was close enough. Both of us had managed to get a decent amount of sleep and we had tons of fun on the horizon. The sun wasn’t up yet, the birds were quiet and the coffee maker was brewing hot water for the packets of oatmeal we brought from home. And, most importantly, we were practically…

The Day I Almost Died

You have to understand that I am a middle of the road kind of person when it comes to almost anything in my life.  I think and decide, and then re-think and re-decide, and then kind of come up with an opinion and then I definitely make a decision.  And then I re-think it again.  I’m hardly ever sure that I am absolutely correct in a situation and more often than not that theory has been proven true.  When I was a kid I used to love Choose Your Own Adventure stories and I would read them ad nauseam.  Only…

Stuck in a Taco Bell Drive-Thru

Hey everyone,  I’m trying to get back on track with writing now that I am back from gallivanting around southern Colorado and decided to jump back in with a re-post.  I’ll have something new soon. Thanks for hanging in! They got me. Arggggh!  I wasn’t paying attention to anything but the fact that my stomach was on fire and I had to eat, RIGHT NOW, and I saw that there were only two cars in the order lane.  Split second decision later and I was contemplating a quesadilla or a burrito.  Now, I know I’m not really supposed to be…

Part Five: There’s No Patience at Disney

Catch up with parts one-four of my Disney Adventures here. Let me just start this section of my story off by saying that the Disney Express Transportation is fantastic. As Greg and I traveled alone to Animal Kingdom it became very clear that we were going to see a part of Disney World that we had never seen before. What a sight it was, too: I’m talking cars and trucks and parking lots all around. Concrete everywhere you looked and quiet roads with hardly any traffic. Of course, it didn’t matter to me how many parking lots we were looking…