My, My, My, My Corona: Can I Have My Brain Back?

I’m fine. I’m just fine.  Lying in bed before starting the day:  I want to write. I want to be known. I want to be creative. I want to share. I want to love. I want to bond. Taking a shower: But I don’t want to spend time writing. I don’t like people to look at me. Being creative is difficult. I don’t like it when I share something and people don’t like it. I am too selfish to love fully. I like it when I get to be by myself. Cleaning the restroom for the five millionth time: I…

My, My, My, My Corona: I Wanna Dance With Somebody

It has officially been eight weeks of staying (relatively) away from the life I used to know and I think that (at this moment) I’m getting the hang of it. If you’ve been a follower of my corona virus themed posts you will know that I have not even remotely kept up my end of the bargain as far as all the writing I was promising you–the writing I was promising me. Some days I don’t give a flying fart and then other days I feel guilty and lazy for not taking advantage of all of the “free” time I…

My, My, My, My Corona: What Day Is It?

I think I lost my kid. At last sighting he was running to the bathroom for a mandated “we’re pretending to have a life” session of washing his face and brushing his teeth and hair but I haven’t seen him since. I imagine he’s holed up downstairs trading virtual Pokemon with any person with a pulse or settled into the couch, knee deep into today’s brain suck of YouTube videos. I feel kind of like a loser, knowing that I have left my kid to his own devices lately, but what the hell? Kid is “enjoying” his last day of…

My, My, My, My Corona: My, My, My, My Life is Boring

It was a beautiful moment. Me, alone in my Mulan t-shirt (no jacket covering it since no one was around to see my arms), my favorite sweats, a couple of toothbrushes, and a can of Comet. The bright light of the vanity stretched to the bathtub only to be blocked my enormous dirty hair bun as I tried to scrub the grime out of faded bathtub caulk. The dirt flowed down the inside of the tub in a wave pattern that could only be accurately compared to the sand of a beautiful beach in Mexico–ebbing and flowing it’s way back…

My, My, My, My Corona: You Might Be Asking Too Much

I admit that I’m probably more scared about the Covid-19 virus than many people (finding things to stress about is a personal specialty) and I’m really having a hard time dealing with the strain. Not only do I have to worry about my health and the health of my loved ones, but I also have to suddenly be responsible for meals and education and (gasp!) boredom. Don’t get me wrong–I deal with this stuff on a daily basis–but it has never been to starkly obvious to me that I am now the HBIC. My library has told me to stay…

I Can’t Turn My Head to the Right

My life has been taken over by an affliction so frustrating, so annoying and so ridiculous that I am putting in serious time thinking about how to cure myself once and for all. The crazy thing is– I cannot turn my head to the right. Really.  Oh, I’m not suffering from any kind of real physical problems (as far as I know) but I do have this way of thinking that causes me to react to certain situations in such a way that I am sure I end up looking like one of those city park sprinklers that keep click,…

KISS My Grits!

Now that I’m a lot older and I’ve managed to get myself through many a ridiculous situation, I find myself thinking back on the “good old days.” You know, they days when my parents would let me roam around like a wild animal for hours at a time, hanging with God knew who, doing who knows what. Until this moment, I never really thought about why the parental units were more than happy to let me and my siblings explore the world without their constant surveillance and direction. I’d like to think that they were exercising great parental knowledge by…

I Knew He Loved Me

He was the nicest boy I had ever met. He was handsome and smart, but most important of all, he would talk to me. We met in middle school and I was pretty much smitten from the very start. I can’t remember the exact day we came into first contact, but I do remember practically floating on a cloud whenever he came around me. I would try to sit by him in class, in the cafeteria, in the gymnasium, in the…you get the picture. Unfortunately, I was mired in my own insecurity issues and feelings of inadequacy (thank you tween…

You Want Me to Pay How Much to Have You Touch My Breast?!

I’m not one of those people who likes to go to the doctor’s office.  I mean, I don’t think there are really that many people that “like” going to the doctor but they’re more than ready to show up for their regular check-ups, give up two hours of life to sit in the pharmacy area, and pay for an office visit when they have a really bad head cold. I’m not one of those people.  I will stay home and puke in every empty vessel in the house before I even consider making the effort to visit the doctor. Of course,…

Psst…UniPerm Isn’t Code for Big Beautiful Curls

Once upon a time there was a young girl of eleven who was very impressionable and open to suggestions of all things good and bad.  She loved fairy tales and happily ever after and spent many a day and night dreaming about what life would be like in the future—would she have enough money to buy season tickets to the Denver Broncos?  Would she be beautiful and have a handsome husband?  Would she ever be elected to the Supreme Court (without having to become a lawyer and all of the pesky stuff that comes with being elected to the Supreme…