We are out of here, people! I’ve got my water and my handful of emergency snacks and we are out of here! Look at how beautiful it is at 5:30 am on a Sunday morning, with the sun still asleep and the millions of cars I would otherwise be doing battle with safely and snuggly tucked away in their happy little garages. Wow! I don’t think I’ve ever made it through all of the lights on this street without stopping at (at least) three different red lights. And there’s no pressure to go a thousand miles an hour on this highway to stay out of everyone’s way. Are we in Idaho Springs already? We just left. I can’t believe how awesome this is. We will be in Las Vegas in absolutely no time at all! Look at the beautiful sun! I don’t care if it’s starting to make my left ear feel like it’s about to melt off, it’s a wonderful day and nothing is going to take that away from me. The car made it over the pass! It’s all smooth sailing from here on out—I know it. Yay! We made it to Utah! One state down and only two more to go. Look at the vistas! Look at the blue sky! Look for a bathroom! I need a break. “Keep an eye out mom, there’s got to be one here somewhere.” “There’s a gas station, let’s stop.” “Wait, they want HOW MUCH for gas?” “I need some hot fries.” “But first, where’s the bathroom?!” “My legs are a little wobbly but I’m fine. I’ll keep driving.”
This is one hella long highway. Only 187 miles to go until I get to turn left—hee haw! Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Up. Up. Down. Down. Down. “Someone put in a good cd, we need some tunes.” Look at that. There are three RV’s hauling three ATV’s—they look like triplets. Where are they from? Wow, they came a long way. Up. Down. Up. Down. My ear is on fire. “Okay, that cd’s over, who gets to pick next?” Those hot fries are really burning up my stomach. Such crap, why did I even eat them? Who’s got the water? Up. Down. Up. Down. “Oh look, those birds must have seen something good to eat out there. Look at them circling. Wonder what it is?” “My turn to pick the cd.” Up. Down. Up. Down. My leg’s starting to ache. Where’s the cruise control? Aha! Much better. This is nice. The turn has got to be coming pretty soon—quick, read the sign. What the hell—76 miles to go? Shit. Where’s the television?
I need a soda. I need some water. I need this car to go faster. I need another damn bathroom. Yay! Only 10 miles until we get to turn left. I’m ready for a new highway. We’re more than halfway there now, baby. I think there’s a rest stop here somewhere. Keep looking, keep looking, keep looking… What does that sign say? Hallelujah, a rest stop. Let’s just get off here and…what, it’s two miles off the highway? Grrrr. “Wait, is that is it, Mom? It’s a freaking gas station, not a rest stop!” Oh well, out of my way, I have got to pee. My leg hurts. My back hurts. Time for a stretch. I don’t really want to stop driving but maybe I should offer. “Anyone else want to drive?” Okay, I guess it’s still me then. But my leg. I still have cruise control, it will be good. Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s go.
This highway sucks. Did we just hit Salt Lake to Las Vegas weekend traffic? Can’t use cruise. Can’t hit the speed limit. Why is that guy going a thousand miles an hour? Eff you, man! Up. Down. Up. Down. Left. Right. Left. Right. Move, truck! Hey, aren’t those the triplets? We caught them again. My life is complete. I’m not tired. I’m not yawning. I’m cool. I’m cool. No, I’m NOT yawning. Up. Down. Left. Right. Only 186 miles until Vegas. We’re moving now. I should have got some gas back there. Need a station. Need a station. Oh, that sign says they have cheap gas. We can last until we get there. YAWN. I’m not tired. Just keep going. Just keep going. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can…Does that sign say they have a Taco Bell?! I’m saved!
Food Energy Spike
Potty break? Check. Gas is topped off? Check. Bean Burrito hot and ready to get in my belly? Hell, yes. Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s get this show on the road. So close to double digits! Whoop, whoop! Don’t the Broncos play today? Pretty sure that no one in Utah cares, but let’s check the radio. Church. Snow. Politics. Church. Snow. Country. Snow. Country. Country. Snow. Wait, Broncos aren’t until tonight anyway. “Time for a new cd.” Up. Down. Up. Down. It’s amazing how it feels like I’m driving to Santa Fe. Come on cars, out of my way. Almost there! Almost there! Left. Right. Left. Hey look, we just hit state number three! Awesome Arizona. Well, for a few minutes anyway. Did that sign say CONSTRUCTION? Damn it. Oh well, at least the land is pretty to look at.
Out of my way, truck. I’m going to Vegas, don’t you know? Damn, my car is kicking butt! I feel so much better. I should eat more often. I feel great, even. Look at how red everything looks. It’s like I’m racing in the mountains. Man, it’s so pretty out here. Out of Arizona already? I hardly knew you. Sniff. Nevada! Nevada! Nevada!
I Feel Like Dancing
We’re so close, I bet that if it was dark I could see the light from the Luxor. Up. Down. Up. Down. I can’t believe how many cars are out here. Are we all on vacation? It’s got to be soon. What does that sign say? How many more miles? That’s another whole hour, at least. Damn it. “We need another cd.” Glee? The Warblers?! Right on! Let’s jam! Why, yes sir, I am dancing while I’m driving, thank you for noticing. Man, the miles are just flying by. Any time now and I’m going to see that beautiful city…For sure here. Okaaaaayyyy. It’s just after this turn. Okaaaayyyy. When in the hell am I going to be there already? Yes! I love this song! “Darren Criss is beautiful, right?” “I know, I know.” Please let us be there already. This has got to be longest hour of my entire life. I thought Vegas was going to be right there. Up. Down. Up. Down. Wait. Is that… YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! There it is! Happy dance time! We did it! We did it! Finally. I can relax. I am so tired. I am so sore. I am so not driving all of the way back.
© DRB 2015