No, You Can’t Make Me Like the Birds

Birds suck.  I don’t have any flowery way to impart that information to you other than being completely honest.  I don’t like them.  Well…maybe just a little bit.  But they’re creepy and annoying and they stink to high hell.  It’s actually kind of funny that I am sitting here even talking about the little devils, but I’ve got an itch in my brain about this and there’s no going on in life if I don’t get it scratched. And it all started because of a lunatic goose that tried to take my hand off at the lake… Every once in…

A Little Mayo Never Killed Anyone. Right?

I had a dream about a sandwich last night. A sandwich that I ate approximately 32 years ago. In a downtown park in Denver, outside of the Natural History Museum. Probably the best sandwich I ever had in my life. A perfectly perfect piece of edible art that will forever hold a place of honor in my mind. It could be probable that I remember that sandwich more than my own husband by the time I’m ninety. I can still smell it. Taste it. Feel it’s warmth in my hands. A sandwich that will never be recreated in the history…

The Great Head Debate

Get your mind out of the gutter, people.  (Okay, me too, because I totally went there.)  Anyway, I thought it was high time to take a moment to look back on what has to be one of the most egregious gaffes I ever had to endure as a child.  A mistake so large that I still find the time to bitch about it at least once a year (as I have for 30 plus years now) to the person most responsible for my broken heart—my mother (cue the bloodcurdling scream and the dun, dun, duuuuun)! What could possibly bring out…

Supermarket Diaries Part One: Just Killing Time

Okay, so I have this thing where if I have even twenty minutes to spare before I’m expected at work I head to the supermarket. But not just any average supermarket—I’m talking the deluxe version with sushi near one side of the building and a jewelry store near the other. Apparently there is something in my DNA that requires that I find something completely useless to buy every day to give my life validity. I’ve walked out with nothing (not that I didn’t try) and I’ve walked out with two bags filled of 80% off holiday items that I will…

A Jumbled Mass of Emotions

My friend. I see you and what you are going through and I want to say that I am so terribly sorry. It’s only been a few days and I feel that you must be getting tired of hearing that. I don’t want to frustrate you or cause you any pain but I need to say a few things in order to get on with my own existence after something like this. Before I get too far though, I just want to let you know that I don’t know what is going to come down from my brain and into…

It’s Not You. It’s Me.

I didn’t walk with you today. I probably won’t walk with you tomorrow either. It was lovely while it lasted, but there isn’t a need in my soul anymore. But, I want you to know that it isn’t you—it’s me. I convinced myself that it would be cold and windy and probably snowy, so I stayed away. I told myself that it would just be making myself miserable. I found a reason to stay home. But then the sun came out and made everything so gorgeous and inviting and I thought about how much I miss you. I could feel…

I Knew He Loved Me

He was the nicest boy I had ever met.  He was handsome and smart, but most important of all, he would talk to me.   We met in middle school and I was pretty much smitten from the very start.  I can’t remember the exact day we came into first contact, but I do remember practically floating on a cloud whenever he came around me.  I would try to sit by him in class, in the cafeteria, in the gymnasium, in the…you get the picture.  Unfortunately, I was mired in my own insecurity issues and feelings of inadequacy (thank you tween…

Autumn, How Do I Hate Thee?

I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out how to handle such a delicate topic as the changing of seasons from summer to autumn. I find myself surrounded by people championing the beauty, the crispness, the, how shall I put this, the pumpkin-ness of everything. Make no mistake, it’s not easy to come clean about something that it seems everyone in the world is in love with. In fact, it’s extremely daunting. But I have words in my heart and a blog just waiting to be used. So I will. Autumn, why do I hate thee? Because you’re stealing the time…

All Camped Out (Finale)

Get caught up with the story : All Camped Out (Part One) and All Camped Out (Part Two) Now, I admit that I have never been the kind of person that ever looked twice at an RV. When I used to camp a lot with aunts and uncles back in the day, they had their small traveling houses but we were hardly ever let inside. It wasn’t until I was in middle school that my dad was able to scrape enough money to bring a little version home. And I do mean little—nothing like the behemoths that are on the road now. The…

All Camped Out (Part Two)

Get caught up with the story : All Camped Out (Part One) We meandered (if a car can, indeed, meander) back to our camping spot and began the process of sorting everything out. Tent over there, sleeping bags over there, kid that is absolutely good for nothing and would rather run around a bush, over there…business was finally starting to get done and I was glad for it. The spot that we had rented was pretty nice and we were actually one of the few families that were going to be putting up a tent. Well, we were the only ones…