My, My, My, My Corona: What Day Is It?

I think I lost my kid. At last sighting he was running to the bathroom for a mandated “we’re pretending to have a life” session of washing his face and brushing his teeth and hair but I haven’t seen him since. I imagine he’s holed up downstairs trading virtual Pokemon with any person with a pulse or settled into the couch, knee deep into today’s brain suck of YouTube videos. I feel kind of like a loser, knowing that I have left my kid to his own devices lately, but what the hell? Kid is “enjoying” his last day of spring break and he isn’t probably going to be able to finish his middle school years in an actual school so…

It’s been 13 (or 14) days since I stated that I was going to write in my blog every day of isolation. This is my first time back. Sounds about on brand for me. My brain immediately clicked into “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to” mode and it’s been stuck there until, well, today. My couch is developing a very noticeable me sized dent and my dog has now become my conjoined twin. My hair is purple and I have a perpetual back ache from obsessively riding on my stationary bike in the hope that I can stave off the extra fifteen pounds of fat that keeps calling to me from the (way too often visited) kitchen.

My go to entertainment lately has been commiserating online with all of the other poor bastards that had their Disney World vacations canceled (we would have been home yesterday) and trying to place bets on when we might be able to visit the Happiest Place on Earth this year. I also play Southwest roulette every day to see if my rescheduled Orlando tickets have dropped in price. Gotta get those mad travel vouchers, Yo! We talk about whether Mickey will ever let us hug him again or if we’re in the beginning stages of permanent character distancing. It may be time to start developing some new hand signs to throw to Stitch when they don’t let him off the float.

Every day I find a period of time that I feel mentally stable enough to check the news and various social media feeds and every damn day I mourn when I realize that I am never mentally stable enough for that shit and end up staring at the wall with tears in my eyes. I invariably decide that my family is safe and we are in the best situation possible by not going anywhere and then immediately convince myself that my life is worth a quick trip to Starbucks and nothing bad can come from a coffee frappuccino–right? I mean, aside from that bitchy fifteen pounds of fat.

I spend a lot of my time trying to cohabitate with a person that is convinced that I am devolving into paranoia when I ask him to take a shower after visiting the grocery store. Hey man, do you want to have a happy home life or not? Get in the damned shower and be grateful I left you some hot water. No, don’t check your work computer first. And guess what, hot shot? I’m gonna wipe all that yogurt and other grocery stuff down too. As the kids say,  PERIODT!

We do manage to get out once in a while for fresh air and letting the dog for a walk and those have been really helpful in heading off stress. At least until the neighbors start telling me how lucky the boy is to be stuck home with a mom librarian like me and how I’m sure to keep him on track, educated and entertained the whole time this alternate lifestyle continues. Bwahahahaha! I can’t even generate enough energy to wash my hair two days in a row. (I guess I should probably get to know my neighbors better.)

So life goes on. I haven’t killed any family members, I’ve managed to put all the dirty dishes straight into the dishwasher, and I still go outside once in a while. No one has banished me to my room for bad behavior and I have managed to take a shower and change clothes every day. Life does go on. And it is…adequate. I’m very grateful for that. Peace.

Day 13 (or 14) Round Up:

Buffy who?

Tiger King is my new jam.

2 (at least) sightings of the boy this week

1 washed car (guess whose it was?)

1 empty container of Red Vines (the big one)

1 newly opened container of Red Vines (another big one)

1 successful video conferencing of Scattergories

5 crying sessions

1 completed blog post

 

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3 Comments

  1. Thanks for the laugh. Hang in there. (As if we have a choice.)

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  2. Thanks for the laughs. I needed em. Hang in there (like there’s a choice!!!)

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    1. Thank you for reading! Definitely trying to keep the laughs. We can do it!

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