Part Five: There’s No Patience at Disney

Catch up with parts one-four of my Disney Adventures here. Let me just start this section of my story off by saying that the Disney Express Transportation is fantastic. As Greg and I traveled alone to Animal Kingdom it became very clear that we were going to see a part of Disney World that we had never seen before. What a sight it was, too: I’m talking cars and trucks and parking lots all around. Concrete everywhere you looked and quiet roads with hardly any traffic. Of course, it didn’t matter to me how many parking lots we were looking…

Part Four: Just Don’t Drop the Drink!

  Catch up with parts one-three of my Disney Adventures here. The rain began innocently enough, but it was only a matter of time until we were under complete attack by the stinging pellets of precipitation that were streaking from the sky. Well, it was kind of just sprinkling a little harder, but I felt that it was turning into something personal. We had finally found the time to sit and take a breather (and get a little Star Wars action on) and our plans were now in jeopardy. Greg pointed out an unclaimed bench under a huge umbrella and we made…

Part Three: Stop for a Rest? Puh-lease.

Catch up with parts one and two of my Disney Adventures here.   When it comes to dining at Disney there are only so many restaurants that I like to go to over and over again and one of those restaurants is Sanaa at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. Years ago, when I was just starting to have the flames of my addiction fanned by people I met online, I would have never even known that there was anything of value going on outside of any of the theme park walls. I would probably still be buying pretzels and burgers and…

Damn the Model that Talked Me Into a Bikini

Some days I get into these strange moods and I end up making decisions that I know I will probably regret later.  These might include cutting all of my hair off, or buying two packages of ice cream bars that I will TOTALLY have the willpower to eat just one a day, and/or dry shaving my legs with an old razor because I’m in a hurry.  I’m just saying these might be good examples of what I mean—I’m not copping to anything. Now that I think about it, “some days” is somewhat of a misnomer.  A more accurate way to…

No, You Can’t Make Me Like the Birds

Birds suck.  I don’t have any flowery way to impart that information to you other than being completely honest.  I don’t like them.  Well…maybe just a little bit.  But they’re creepy and annoying and they stink to high hell.  It’s actually kind of funny that I am sitting here even talking about the little devils, but I’ve got an itch in my brain about this and there’s no going on in life if I don’t get it scratched. And it all started because of a lunatic goose that tried to take my hand off at the lake… Every once in…

Disney World and the Cupcake Line of Doom

It’s always interesting when I start getting revved up to go on a vacation. There are the last minutes of getting everything I need gathered (as if where I’m going couldn’t possibly have sunscreen or deodorant, should I forget them) and the long nights I spend thinking through my plans step by step by step. While there is a certain amount of excitement and anticipation, there is an equal amount of worry that gets me so churned up physically that I either have to resort to dark rooms and quiet breathing or an extra-large container of Tums. Either way, when…

A Little Mayo Never Killed Anyone. Right?

I had a dream about a sandwich last night. A sandwich that I ate approximately 32 years ago. In a downtown park in Denver, outside of the Natural History Museum. Probably the best sandwich I ever had in my life. A perfectly perfect piece of edible art that will forever hold a place of honor in my mind. It could be probable that I remember that sandwich more than my own husband by the time I’m ninety. I can still smell it. Taste it. Feel it’s warmth in my hands. A sandwich that will never be recreated in the history…

A Week in the Life of a Hungry Person

Tuesday- I have high hopes for today. I’ve been working out like crazy and have been keeping a good eye on my calories. Hardly any cheating. I know I need to stop worrying about getting on the scale every day but if I’m ever going to reach my goal, I am going to have to seriously work harder than I ever have in my life. It doesn’t help that I feel so old and that I can heard my knees creaking every time I walk down the stairs, but I have hope that I can turn things around. I’m glad…

Supermarket Diaries Part Two: Panties and Purple Pants

Catch the first part of the story here: Supermarket Diaries Part One: Just Killing Time Grocery cart firmly in tow, I was ready to plunder the rest of the sale racks in the store. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but I was convinced that if I left without spending some money I was probably going to die. I worked my way to the fat (but not that fat) section and found what I had apparently been waiting for—racks and racks of pants. Dozens—nay, hundreds—of pairs of pants (my personal shopping nemesis) in every conceivable color (okay, maybe only…

Supermarket Diaries Part One: Just Killing Time

Okay, so I have this thing where if I have even twenty minutes to spare before I’m expected at work I head to the supermarket. But not just any average supermarket—I’m talking the deluxe version with sushi near one side of the building and a jewelry store near the other. Apparently there is something in my DNA that requires that I find something completely useless to buy every day to give my life validity. I’ve walked out with nothing (not that I didn’t try) and I’ve walked out with two bags filled of 80% off holiday items that I will…