Part Nine: Apparently Not Everyone Appreciates a Pink Castle

Catch up with parts one-eight of my fabulous Disney vacation here. Somehow our group found its way to a (not so hidden) door just near the Peter Pan ride. I don’t remember exactly where it was because Disney does such a good job of distraction. I can’t very well concentrate on a secret door when there a million people bobbing and weaving in front of me and the promise of the utilidor promise land dancing through my brain. I do, however, remember several employees scurrying to get out of our way as we collectively pushed our way through and in…

Part Eight: You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Hangry

Catch up with parts one-seven of my fabulous Disney vacation here. You know, it’s never an easy matter of getting from Point A to Point B—at least not for me. There’s always something to be seen, something to be done, something else, and then something else after that and I never can just seem to make that straight line. And my trip from Splash Mountain to the Tomorrowland Terrace was absolutely no different than any other example I could give you from my life. I needed to sit down and eat and everything in the world was working to prevent…

You Want Me to Pay How Much to Have You Touch My Breast?!

I’m not one of those people who likes to go to the doctor’s office.  I mean, I don’t think there are really that many people that “like” going to the doctor but they’re more than ready to show up for their regular check-ups, give up two hours of life to sit in the pharmacy area, and pay for an office visit when they have a really bad head cold. I’m not one of those people.  I will stay home and puke in every empty vessel in the house before I even consider making the effort to visit the doctor. Of course,…

Part Seven: Is That a Poncho in Your Pocket?

Catch up with parts one-six of my Disney Adventures here. As it turns out what was in store, for me anyway, was another need to go to the restroom. Not that it’s a subject that I want to spend too much time on, but frequent potty breaks are not something that I’m about. At this particular point we were beginning to curve over to Pirates of the Caribbean and I was very aware of the hidden bathroom just to the side of the gift shop. Not knowing when the next opportunity would present itself, I casually walked over to the…

Part Five: There’s No Patience at Disney

Catch up with parts one-four of my Disney Adventures here. Let me just start this section of my story off by saying that the Disney Express Transportation is fantastic. As Greg and I traveled alone to Animal Kingdom it became very clear that we were going to see a part of Disney World that we had never seen before. What a sight it was, too: I’m talking cars and trucks and parking lots all around. Concrete everywhere you looked and quiet roads with hardly any traffic. Of course, it didn’t matter to me how many parking lots we were looking…

Part Four: Just Don’t Drop the Drink!

Catch up with parts one-three of my Disney Adventures here. The rain began innocently enough, but it was only a matter of time until we were under complete attack by the stinging pellets of precipitation that were streaking from the sky. Well, it was kind of just sprinkling a little harder, but I felt that it was turning into something personal. We had finally found the time to sit and take a breather (and get a little Star Wars action on) and our plans were now in jeopardy. Greg pointed out an unclaimed bench under a huge umbrella and we made a…

Part Three: Stop for a Rest? Puh-lease.

Catch up with parts one and two of my Disney Adventures here.   When it comes to dining at Disney there are only so many restaurants that I like to go to over and over again and one of those restaurants is Sanaa at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. Years ago, when I was just starting to have the flames of my addiction fanned by people I met online, I would have never even known that there was anything of value going on outside of any of the theme park walls. I would probably still be buying pretzels and burgers and…

Damn the Model that Talked Me Into a Bikini

Some days I get into these strange moods and I end up making decisions that I know I will probably regret later.  These might include cutting all of my hair off, or buying two packages of ice cream bars that I will TOTALLY have the willpower to eat just one a day, and/or dry shaving my legs with an old razor because I’m in a hurry.  I’m just saying these might be good examples of what I mean—I’m not copping to anything. Now that I think about it, “some days” is somewhat of a misnomer.  A more accurate way to…

No, You Can’t Make Me Like the Birds

Birds suck.  I don’t have any flowery way to impart that information to you other than being completely honest.  I don’t like them.  Well…maybe just a little bit.  But they’re creepy and annoying and they stink to high hell.  It’s actually kind of funny that I am sitting here even talking about the little devils, but I’ve got an itch in my brain about this and there’s no going on in life if I don’t get it scratched. And it all started because of a lunatic goose that tried to take my hand off at the lake… Every once in…

Part Two: Does My Insurance Cover a Ride on Dinosaur?

Catch up with Part One of my Disney Adventures here.   I had a truly difficult time falling asleep because I was majorly keyed up, so I made use of Stacey and her “Must-Do” list to lull me in to semi-unconciousness. I guess it didn’t hurt that I had already watched Stacey on my computer at work (ad nauseam) for weeks and practically knew the script by heart. It gave my brain something else to do besides worry about the next day’s plans. For as late as we had stayed out the night before (really, it couldn’t have been past…