He was the nicest boy I had ever met. He was handsome and smart, but most important of all, he would talk to me. We met in middle school and I was pretty much smitten from the very start. I can’t remember the exact day we came into first contact, but I do remember practically floating on a cloud whenever he came around me. I would try to sit by him in class, in the cafeteria, in the gymnasium, in the…you get the picture. Unfortunately, I was mired in my own insecurity issues and feelings of inadequacy (thank you tween…
Tag: blogging
You Want Me to Pay How Much to Have You Touch My Breast?!
I’m not one of those people who likes to go to the doctor’s office. I mean, I don’t think there are really that many people that “like” going to the doctor but they’re more than ready to show up for their regular check-ups, give up two hours of life to sit in the pharmacy area, and pay for an office visit when they have a really bad head cold. I’m not one of those people. I will stay home and puke in every empty vessel in the house before I even consider making the effort to visit the doctor. Of course,…
Psst…UniPerm Isn’t Code for Big Beautiful Curls
Once upon a time there was a young girl of eleven who was very impressionable and open to suggestions of all things good and bad. She loved fairy tales and happily ever after and spent many a day and night dreaming about what life would be like in the future—would she have enough money to buy season tickets to the Denver Broncos? Would she be beautiful and have a handsome husband? Would she ever be elected to the Supreme Court (without having to become a lawyer and all of the pesky stuff that comes with being elected to the Supreme…
Part Six: Just Don’t Make Eye Contact
Catch up with parts one-five of my fabulous Disney vacation here. The next day started off with the sun shining and birds singing and the smell of freshly brewed coffee filling the air of our lovely Disney hotel…Okay, that’s not completely accurate, but it was close enough. Both of us had managed to get a decent amount of sleep and we had tons of fun on the horizon. The sun wasn’t up yet, the birds were quiet and the coffee maker was brewing hot water for the packets of oatmeal we brought from home. And, most importantly, we were practically…
Part Five: There’s No Patience at Disney
Catch up with parts one-four of my Disney Adventures here. Let me just start this section of my story off by saying that the Disney Express Transportation is fantastic. As Greg and I traveled alone to Animal Kingdom it became very clear that we were going to see a part of Disney World that we had never seen before. What a sight it was, too: I’m talking cars and trucks and parking lots all around. Concrete everywhere you looked and quiet roads with hardly any traffic. Of course, it didn’t matter to me how many parking lots we were looking…
Watch Your Step and Bee Careful–A Painful Life Lesson
Ah, the bees. Just to start off, let me state that there were lots of bees. So many bees that I was put in agonizing position of feeling gut-wrenching, terrorizing fear for the first time in my life. But I had someone watching over me and my younger sister (who was just as frantically frightened as I was) who basically, in the span of two hours, cemented himself as my forever protector and “The Man Who Could Live through Anything!” I am speaking of my dad, the person without whom this entire story could never be written because he was…
Part Four: Just Don’t Drop the Drink!
Catch up with parts one-three of my Disney Adventures here. The rain began innocently enough, but it was only a matter of time until we were under complete attack by the stinging pellets of precipitation that were streaking from the sky. Well, it was kind of just sprinkling a little harder, but I felt that it was turning into something personal. We had finally found the time to sit and take a breather (and get a little Star Wars action on) and our plans were now in jeopardy. Greg pointed out an unclaimed bench under a huge umbrella and we made a…
A Little Mayo Never Killed Anyone. Right?
I had a dream about a sandwich last night. A sandwich that I ate approximately 32 years ago. In a downtown park in Denver, outside of the Natural History Museum. Probably the best sandwich I ever had in my life. A perfectly perfect piece of edible art that will forever hold a place of honor in my mind. It could be probable that I remember that sandwich more than my own husband by the time I’m ninety. I can still smell it. Taste it. Feel it’s warmth in my hands. A sandwich that will never be recreated in the history…
The Great Head Debate
Get your mind out of the gutter, people. (Okay, me too, because I totally went there.) Anyway, I thought it was high time to take a moment to look back on what has to be one of the most egregious gaffes I ever had to endure as a child. A mistake so large that I still find the time to bitch about it at least once a year (as I have for 30 plus years now) to the person most responsible for my broken heart—my mother (cue the bloodcurdling scream and the dun, dun, duuuuun)! What could possibly bring out…
Supermarket Diaries Part One: Just Killing Time
Okay, so I have this thing where if I have even twenty minutes to spare before I’m expected at work I head to the supermarket. But not just any average supermarket—I’m talking the deluxe version with sushi near one side of the building and a jewelry store near the other. Apparently there is something in my DNA that requires that I find something completely useless to buy every day to give my life validity. I’ve walked out with nothing (not that I didn’t try) and I’ve walked out with two bags filled of 80% off holiday items that I will…