Supermarket Diaries Part One: Just Killing Time

Okay, so I have this thing where if I have even twenty minutes to spare before I’m expected at work I head to the supermarket. But not just any average supermarket—I’m talking the deluxe version with sushi near one side of the building and a jewelry store near the other. Apparently there is something in my DNA that requires that I find something completely useless to buy every day to give my life validity. I’ve walked out with nothing (not that I didn’t try) and I’ve walked out with two bags filled of 80% off holiday items that I will…

I Knew He Loved Me (Conclusion)

Don’t forget the first part of the story: I Knew He Loved Me  This is the part where I’m supposed to tell you that he had scribbled all over the paper doodling my name and drawing pictures of us holding hands, but that dream was pretty much the complete opposite of what I found.  There were doodles all right, but not with my name– with another girl’s name. A girl from our class that I had never even seen him talk to—let alone ever imagined he would ever have feelings for.  There were doodles all right.  And there were about fifty different…

The Fire or the Spiders?

About a million years ago, when I still lived with my parents, I had a room down in the bowels of their house. It wasn’t exactly a scary place to live (Freddie Krueger wouldn’t be hanging down there at any rate) but it did sometimes have a lonely and abandoned feeling about it. Every once in a while it would explode with energy and life when we would have family parties celebrating birthdays and Super Bowls (thank you Denver Broncos!) but, for the most part, it sat lifeless and dark, just waiting for something spectacular to happen to bring it…

All Camped Out (Part Two)

Get caught up with the story : All Camped Out (Part One) We meandered (if a car can, indeed, meander) back to our camping spot and began the process of sorting everything out. Tent over there, sleeping bags over there, kid that is absolutely good for nothing and would rather run around a bush, over there…business was finally starting to get done and I was glad for it. The spot that we had rented was pretty nice and we were actually one of the few families that were going to be putting up a tent. Well, we were the only ones…

All Camped Out (Part One)

I can still remember sitting outside in the back yard, seduced by the sweet summer air and half drunk on sun tea, when the suggestion of camping entered the conversation. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t heard the word several times already that summer, but it was the first time (in a very long time) that anyone actually used it in conjunction with “Do you want to go?” My inner lazy person screamed, “Oh, hell no!” but my outer ‘look at me I know how to have fun in the summer’ person thought it sounded like a lot of fun….

Bite Me

Twice a year I find myself engaged in one of the most uncomfortable activities known to man or womanhood—getting my teeth cleaned.  Even though my head knows that it is something that has to be done in order to remain healthy, I find myself fighting over the very idea of making that trip to my dentist’s office.  It would seem more normal to say that I don’t want to go because I’m afraid of the drill, or that I’d just rather jam a toothpick in my gums rather than bite on that obnoxious piece of plastic when I’m taking x-rays,…

And so It Begins–A Tale of Two Dressing Rooms

Isn’t it amazing how quickly a day can change from one of the smoothest experiences you’ve ever had to the biggest downer of the century? Actually, I bet it’s not that amazing because I’m guessing that most of us have those kinds of days several times a month.  Maybe more.  And if you don’t, we need to have a chat, because I need to learn your every secret. You have evidently mastered life and I must emulate you in every way possible. I hope to someday become one of you. But until then, I must dwell in the land of mediocrity…

And People Still Let Me Near Their Kids: Part Three

Continued from- And People Still Let Me Near Their Kids: Part One And People Still Let Me Near Their Kids: Part Two Tutor was put out to the public with just a little fanfare and was instantly loved by everyone.  People wanted to hold him all of the time, but I wasn’t down for that and kept telling people “someday” he would be ready for that kind of turtle/library customer relationship.  I stressed over the tank, and the fact that I couldn’t quite get the filter to work correctly.  A once pristine tank was now cloudy and dirty and I…

And People Still Let Me Near Their Kids: Part Two

Continued from And People Still Let Me Near Their Kids: Part One I kept putting off the final decision and was beginning to think that I might get away with not getting a library pet after all when the aforementioned friend of the library told us about a little turtle that she wasn’t going to be able to take with her when she moved to another town.  Of course, I knew nothing about turtles (and heaven forbid I actually do decent research at my place of business) but felt that it was the kind of animal I would be able…

Fowl Play in the Workplace

Originally posted on Carrots in My Carryon:
And now for something completely different…. I work just outside of a major metropolitan area.  But, like most cities, we’re fairly compartmentalized – once you get outside of the beltway, you’re in the wilderness fairly quickly.  We’re only about 10 miles from a large city, but very quickly, the 4-lane highway dissolves into a two-lane road, and you’re driving past fields and farms in short order.   When we have visitors coming out to the facility, part of my directions include “drive past the chicken farm and over the train tracks, then turn…